A Letter to the One Who Thought She’d Be Bringing a Baby Home in 2026

By Dr. Colleen Reichmann, clinical psychologist and director of Wildflower Therapy

Dear you,

The one who is reading this while holding that heavy truth about how differently 2026 was supposed to turn out. The one who was supposed to bring a baby home this year, but instead just got the horrible bill for the HCG-drop bloodwork or D&C in the mail- and then deafening silence from so many in your life who didn’t know what to say…

I know. It feels like you’re moving through mud. The pain is so heavy that you body feels exhausted. And of course, you are probably seeing babies everywhere. Every single friend is pregnant. Every cashier, every neighbor. Everyone has a stroller. Everyone gets to do the very thing you pictured doing this year too.

But instead, you’ve been left with a shattered version of this year. A quiet, inescapably sad, unfair version.

For the Future You Had Already Started Imagining

Miscarriage carries a particular kind of grief. It’s often the kind that the world struggles to recognize. A grief for a life that was maybe just beginning. It’s a longing for a future that had already started to take shape in your heart, even if the world didn’t know about it yet.

This is called disenfranchised grief: it’s a grief that exists deeply and legitimately, but isn’t always given the space, language, or recognition it deserves.

People may say things meant to comfort you.

“It was early.”
“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”

But these words feel flat at best, and deeply hurtful at worst. They don’t create space for the fact that, when we go through a miscarriage, we grieve an entire future that we held for whatever moment in time we were pregnant- we grieve the delivery, bringing the baby home, and every single milestone. We grieve Christmas mornings, and family vacations together. Maybe we grieve the vision of your child who is here, wearing her “big sister” shirt, as she nervously holds her new sibling.

This grief is an echo of all the love you already had for this soul. So many have the experience of feeling instantly in love the moment they saw that test, heard those words, or saw the flicker of a heartbeat. They begin carrying a beautiful future in their own heart.

And then suddenly-jarringly-those dreams have nowhere to land.

Honoring a Loss the World Often Rushes Past

Please hear me when I say this next part: That is real grief. That is a gutting, devastating reality to be living through. I don’t care if you were 5 weeks along. I don’t care if you already have children here on earth. Your pain is real, and it matters.

And even though the world never got to meet your baby (or hell, even if most of the world had no idea that you were pregnant at all) your grief deserves to be honored. Not minimized, not rushed past, and NOT wrapped neatly in silver linings.

You deserves tenderness. You deserve all the support, and to be allowed to take some time for yourself. Hear me when I say that is makes sense to cry unexpectedly at random parts of the day. Your deep sadness is an echo of all the fierce love you already held for your baby. This loss matters.You matter as someone moving through the pain of grief. This love does not disappear simply because the story changed.

There is no one right way to grieve a miscarriage. Some people want to talk about it often. Others hold it quietly inside. Some mark the due date. Some light a candle. Some write letters. Some just carry the memory in the corner of their hearts. All of these ways are valid.

If you find yourself wondering whether your grief is “too much,” the answer is NO. No no no. Your grief is holy. It’s evidence of your love. Take as much time as you need to feel it all. Ask for support. Take time off work if you are able to. Losses like this can feel so isolating precisely because they are so common, and yet rarely spoken about openly. So many of us carry the same quiet heartbreak as we walk through grocery stores, into work meetings, and answering texts-gutted, changed forever, but going through the motions. I always find myself wishing we had little video game energy bars above all of our heads that turn different colors when we are exhausted or struggling- and that there was one, unmistakable color for those going through pregnancy loss, so that the world will know and rush to show up over and over again until the color slowly fades (but maybe never quite for good.)

Please know this: Your grief is not invisible here. Your baby mattered, and your hopes mattered.
The love you felt was real, and is real. And as you move through the months ahead, through moments that may feel shockingly and unexpectedly heavy, please remember that grief is not something to rush past. It is something to honor.

Because losses like this deserve witnesses and  compassion. They deserve the kind of care that allows healing to happen slowly, gently, and without pressure. And if you are navigating the emotional aftermath of miscarriage or pregnancy loss, you do not have to hold it alone. Therapy for pregnancy loss and reproductive grief can provide a place where your experience is recognized fully-where nothing about this loss has to be minimized or explained away.

Your grief deserves that kind of care.

And so do you.

With tenderness,
A fellow loss mom-and someone who believes your loss matters.

Looking for Therapy in Philadelphia or Pennsylvania?

If this post resonated, our therapists at Wildflower Therapy provide therapy for infertility, miscarriage, and perinatal mental health in Philadelphia and throughout Pennsylvania. You are not alone, even though I know it can feel this way. You are deserving of time to talk about how hard this feels, and someone who can sit in the shadows of this moment next to you, without question or hesitation.

We also support children, teens, adults, and families across Pennsylvania who are navigating things like eating disorders, disordered eating, ADHD, body image concerns, anxiety, depression, and maternal mental health.

We provide therapy in Philadelphia (and virtually throughout Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Florida, South Carolina, Vermont, Virginia, Ohio, and Massechusetts.) We work with children, adolescents, and adults.

If you’re looking for a therapist in Philadelphia or Pennsylvania, we’d be honored to walk alongside you. Please reach out today to book your free consultation call.