The IVF Package Should Really Come With a Therapist Included
By Dr. Colleen Reichmann, owner and clinical director of Wildflower Therapy
Is it just me, or is there’s something quietly absurd about how infertility and IVF are treated in our culture? The medical side is highly structured, scheduled down to the minute (and sometimes timed and “batched” with groups of other couples), monitored, measured, and billed in packages. But the emotional experience- the incredible amount of grief, the waiting, the fists balled with fear while holding tightly to hope, the disappointment, the identity shifts, the breakdowns on the bathroom floor-is often left entirely unaddressed.
The IVF process is inherently traumatic for so many, yet this trauma isn’t often supported. And most of the time, it doesn’t even feel like it’s….seen? My hot take as a person with lived experience with IVF- and a therapist who works with people going through it: The IVF package should automatically include a therapist. If we truly acknowledged the full scope of what people go through, it would make total sense that this would simply be a part of the appointments that get scheduled once you begin.
The infertility journey is not just a few medical procedures or appointments. It is a prolonged season of uncertainty that infiltrates nearly every part of life. It lives in calendars and inboxes, in the way you listen to pregnancy announcements, in how you move through baby showers, holidays, and casual conversations that begin with “So, do you have kids?” It is a cycle of guarded hope and anticipatory grief that repeats itself month after month, sometimes for years. For most people, IVF becomes a full time job on top of a full time job- a way of living that fundamentally impacts the very lens that you view the world through.
The Emotional Labor of IVF Is Often Invisible
As a therapist who works with people going through infertility in Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania, I see how emotionally consuming this process can be. And, as someone who has lived it myself, I know how it can fundamentally alter your brain chemisty. IVF often demands an incredible amount of emotional regulation from people who are already depleted. You are expected to stay optimistic while also quietly steeling yourself for loss, to make high-stakes decisions under pressure, and to continue functioning at work and in relationships as if nothing extraordinary, expensive, and incredible time-consuming is happening. It is common for those walking this path to describe feeling split in two-one part of them is moving through daily life, while another part quietly braces for the next phone call (which oh, by the way, may be a call that seperates your very life into life before that call, and life after.)
IVF Can Strain Relationships and Isolate People
Grief is a constant companion on this journey, even when no one names it as such. There is grief for the body you thought you had, for the ease with which you expected conception to happen, for the version of yourself who imagined pregnancy without medical intervention. IVF can also bring relational strain. Partners cope differently, friends may not know what to say, and support can thin out over time as the process stretches on. Without emotional support and camaraderie, many people internalize the idea that there isn’t really a space for them to talk about how hard it all is (or, worse yet, that they are being dramatic by struggling, because others seem to walk this path without the need to share or vent.)
The Body ImageAspect Of It All
One of the most under-recognized aspects of IVF is the toll it takes on body image and one’s relationship with food. The body, once perhaps neutral or even trusted, can begin to feel like a project, a problem, or a source of betrayal. Weight fluctuations, bloating, injections, bruising, hormonal changes, and constant monitoring can lead to intense body awareness and self-scrutiny. For individuals with a history of disordered eating (or frankly, even those without one), IVF can quietly reactivate patterns of control, restriction, guilt, and shame around food and weight. I often work with clients who feel blindsided by how quickly old thoughts return. But truly this actually makes so much sense throughout a process where so much feels out of their control. This intersection of infertility, body image, and eating distress deserves compassionate, specialized attention, not silence.
Why Therapy Should Be Part of IVF Care
Therapy during IVF is not about forcing positivity or finding a silver lining. It is about having a space where nothing needs to be minimized. A therapist for infertility can help hold the grief alongside the hope, support decision-making without pressure, and help clients reconnect to their bodies in ways that are gentler and more sustainable. Therapy can also help people set boundaries with well-meaning family members, navigate differences between partners, and process the cumulative trauma that often builds over repeated cycles. And my personal opinion is that your therapist really should have either 1) lived experience with infertility and IVF, 2) specialized training in providing therapy for folks going through it, or 3) both (ideally!) This is because IVF is a complex world of acronoms, medical procedures, conflicting opinions, diagnoses, and advice. It feels like learning a new language. You should not have to educate the therapist in this language- they should be able to speak it fluently during your sessions.
You Deserve Support Throughout the Infertility Journey
In my infertility therapy work, I often say that emotional support is not something we should ever need to “earn” through multiple cycles, losses, or accumulaltive reproductive trauma. IVF is hard from the beginning. Full stop. The psychological impact is real, valid, and deserving of care from the jump off. If the medical system acknowledged this fully, therapy wouldn’t be an optional add-on, it would be standard care.
If you are going through infertility or IVF and find yourself feeling overwhelmed, depressed, traumatized, disconnected from your body, or quietly struggling with food or body image, you are not failing at this process. You are responding normally to an abnormal amount of stress. Working with a therapist who understands infertility can help you feel less alone and more supported through whatever comes next.
Looking for Therapy in Philadelphia or Pennsylvania?
If this post resonated, our therapists at Wildflower Therapy provide therapy for infertility in Philadelphia and throughout Pennsylvania, with a special focus on the emotional, relational, and body-based impacts of IVF and reproductive challenges. You are not alone, even though I know it can feel this way. You are deserving of time to talk about how hard this feels, and someone who can sit in the shadows of this moment next to you, without question or hesitation.
We also support children, teens, adults, and families across Pennsylvania who are navigating things like eating disorders, disordered eating, ADHD, body image concerns, anxiety, depression, and maternal mental health.
We provide therapy in Philadelphia (and virtually throughout Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Florida, South Carolina, Vermont, Virginia, Ohio, and Massechusetts.) We work with children, adolescents, and adults.
If you’re looking for a therapist in Philadelphia or Pennsylvania, we’d be honored to walk alongside you. Please reach out today to book your free consultation call.