When You Don’t Feel Motivated in Eating Disorder Recovery (And You’re Still Supposed to Eat Anyway)
By Dr. Colleen Reichmann, owner and clinical director of Wildflower Therapy
I am convinced that there is a specific season in the eating disorder recovery journey that does not get enough airtime. It’s not the descent down the rabbit hole that tends to happen ever-so-slowly (then all at once.) It’s also not the rock bottom moment when it suddenly becomes clear that you are not in control of this anymore. Nope. It’s the in-between era.
It’s when you’re sitting at your parents’ house staring at the meal that has been part of the plan your dietitian gave you- the plan you’ve been following for months now. You’ve been grinding day in and day out, trying to work on your relationship with food (even though literally everyone around you talks about how they’re trying to lose weight...) You notice that your parents seem less worried. There is less of a “this is a crisis” feeling in general.
And suddenly, that pesky part of your brain pipes up.
“What even is the point of this? I really don’t think I care. Everyone was just being dramatic; I don’t need to be doing this.”
“I definitely felt better when I was restricting and in control.”
“I always knew I was going to go back to trying to lose weight. Why am I even playing this game?”
And this- THIS is the hardest part of recovery. There is nothing hugely impactful happening. No “come to jesus” talk from your parents. It’s not a moment when physical symptoms of restriction or purging got scary. It’s just a moment when life gets quiet enough, and your pause long enough to have the absence of motivation fully register.
At Wildflower Therapy, we see many teens and college students in eating disorder recovery in the Philadelphia and the Main Line area- at all phases of the process. This middle phase, when support lessens and motivation dwindles- is without a shadow of a doubt- one of the hardest parts.
So let’s talk about it:
There are so many reasons for the motivation drop
Once people have put in alllll the work (and I do mean work) to get the recovery ball rolling, it can feel like logic should take over. You’ve been told what you’re supposed to do, and maybe you’ve shown that you can, in some capacity, do it! But often times, this middle season is when support gets a little quieter. And then add in the confusing experience of having your awareness raised about this eating disorder, and the downsides of it. Now there’s this weird phenomenon of not feeling great in recovery (because let’s be very real-the benefits tend to take a little while to feel) AND also feeling guilty when you engage with the eating disorder. What fresh hell is this?
It's at this time that your eating disorder can become weirdly more persuasive and alluring.
It stops yelling and starts negotiating. It taps you on the shoulder and says:
“Psst. You’re probably fine now.”
“You don’t need to be that strict anymore.”
“You can relax a little… “
And because the combination of it not feeling as extreme, the lessened support, and the fatigue in general over not feeling as over the moon in recovery as you assumed you would-it’s very easy to begin to listen.
The most misleading thought in recovery
If you’re in this place, you might also find yourself having this very specific thought: “When I feel more motivated, I’ll get back on track.” It sounds reasonable- gentle, compassionate even!
But in practice, it often becomes a trap where recovery only happens when you feel emotionally aligned with it-which, for many people with eating disorders, is rare.
So days turn into weeks where you are not fully in recovery but not fully out of it, You’re floating in the middle recovery wasteland, negotiating every meal, and still not getting the old benefits of the eating disorder OR any new benefits from recovery.
That middle space is exhausting (trust me, as someone who spend years chilling there.)
It’s especially exhausting if you’re a student trying to keep up with schoolwork, friendships, sports, or just existing in campus dining halls, in your home, at your job, or in class- where food feels like its everywhere and involved in everything, and body talk is unending.
What’s actually happening when motivation drops
Most people assume motivation disappears because something is wrong with them.
Clinically, it often looks more like this:
You get pulled back in very slowly to cutting corners, so your brain quickly is under-fueled again → decision-making gets harder
Anxiety is louder → avoidance feels safer than action
Routine support is thinner (and this is especially common during school breaks or transitions)
The eating disorder is being reinforced by “just this one time” thinking
So what you experience internally might be a feeling of “screw this.” But what’s actually happening is that your brain is overloaded, you are exhausted by how hard this has been, and the eating disorder is offering simplicity, safety, and a deep breath in (or so it says).
The shift that actually helps (and it’s not motivation)
Recovery doesn’t usually restart with inspiration. It restarts with something much less glamorous: automaticity.
This means that during the middle phase of recovery, the best piece of advice I have is to stop asking how you feel and start asking what the next right step is.
Not:
“Do I feel motivated to eat?”
But:
“What is the next meal/snack I would do if I was following my recovery plan even on a hard day?”
Not:
“Do I feel like going to therapy?”
But:
“Would skipping help with the longer-term goals that I originally set?”
Recovery sometimes needs to become a little less emotion-based and more structured- which is counterintuitive, because everyone talks about how you can get to the “deeper level work” the longer you work on recovery. But shifting gears back to structure is often what allows people to actually get unstuck when you’re in the middle recovery phase.
A sentence to borrow when your brain goes blank
When motivation disappears, most people try to think their way out of it.
Here are a few things to tell yourself firmly, instead of analyzing the motivation drop:
“I don’t need to feel like I want recovery right now. I just need to not let this moment decide my direction.”
“The eating disorder created a lot of suffering. Recovery appears to involve suffering too. I need to suffer in the right direction- the one that’s in line with my long-term goals”
Your eating disorder is very good at speaking in “just this moment” language.
Just skip this meal.
Just delay it.
Just be stricter tomorrow.
Saying “I’m not even going to give myself this option” is what can often interrupt that pattern, stern and simple as though it may seem.
The “college effect” (why this can hit harder for college students)
If you’re a college student in Philadelphia or the Main Line, there’s a specific pressure cooker effect that makes motivation dips more intense: irregular schedules, eating around peers, academic pressure spikes, and peers around your who are dieting. This is a season of life that can be particularly challenging, sometimes due to just how chaotic it can feel. And the major changes between the school season and summer season can really throw a wrench in recovery processes. When motivation drops, there’s often nothing automatically pulling you back into rhythm, due to the fact that you’re either too overwhelmed at school, or on a summer or holiday break with a complete lack of external structure.
It’s not a failure on your part. It just means that you are in good company with anyone who has ever had an eating disorder that got to a clinical level of need- in that you likely STILL need a decent amount of support, no matter if you are at home or at school in order to stay on track.
If today feels like a “why bother” day
I’d like to float the idea that you don’t need a breakthrough. You don’t need clarity. You don’t even need confidence.
You just need something small and unromantic: the next right step (damn it, I’m annoying myself with how simple that it, even though I can say with my whole chest that it’s true.)
The next meal, snack, the next therapy session- or the next reach out to a friend to socialize instead of hitting the gym again- these steps all become tiny refusals to negotiate with the eating disorder voice. They build over time. This is not forever. If you continue on with the next right step, eventually there will be more ease to this process.
A final thing that’s often true (but rarely said plainly)
Some of the most important recovery moments don’t feel empowering.
They feel like compliance without belief. They often feel like taking action without motivation-like just blindly following a therapist or dietitian and putting your trust in them when they tell you this gets better.
But if you continue to do this, something will begin to shift. It happens so slowly, the changes in brain chemistry are so infinitesimally small at first- so you won’t notice. Until one day, you do. Hold out hope for that day. I’ll hold the hope with you, because I know and believe so much in your ability to continue pushing through to your life in color.
Looking for Eating Disorder Therapy in Philadelphia or the Main Line?
At Wildflower Therapy, we specialize in working with children, teens, adults struggling with body image and eating disorders (as well as parents and caregivers navigating children or teens who are struggling with eating disorders, body image concerns, highly selective eating, and the emotional toll of caring for a struggling child).
Our therapists also support children, teens, adults, and families who are navigating things like ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, and maternal mental health/infertility.
We provide therapy in-person in Philadelphia or Devon (and virtually for anyone in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Florida, South Carolina, Vermont, Virginia, Ohio, and Massechusetts.) We work with children, adolescents, and adults. We are neurodivergent-affirming, queer-celebratory, and feminist-relational in our work.
You do NOT have to do this alone. Many of us have been in your shoes. We know how hopeless it can feel. And we want to shine the flashlight in-and show you the way out.
Reach Out Today!
If you’re looking for therapy for your child or yourself in one of the states mentioned above, or are seeking virtual parent coaching or consultation anywhere in the world, we invite you to reach out for your free consultation call.
Frequently Asked Questions About Eating Disorder Recovery Motivation
1. What if I don’t feel motivated at all in eating disorder recovery? Is something wrong with me?
No! This is one of the most common experiences in recovery. Motivation is not a constant feeling, and in eating disorder recovery it often shows up after behavior changes, not before them. Your brain may actually resist recovery at first because the eating disorder has functioned like a coping strategy. Lack of motivation doesn’t mean you’re failing, it often means you’re in the exact middle of the work.
2. How do I keep going in recovery when I don’t “feel ready”?
Waiting to feel ready usually keeps people stuck. Instead, recovery often starts with “small acts of willingness.” This means showing up to a meal, texting a support person, or following a plan even when you don’t feel emotionally on board. Readiness tends to build through action, not before it. Think: I can take the next right step.
3. Why does my motivation for recovery keep disappearing?
Motivation in eating disorder recovery is often inconsistent because two parts of you are pulling in different directions: the part that wants freedom and the part that is trying to protect you from anxiety, change, or discomfort. When recovery starts to feel harder, the eating disorder voice can get louder again. This doesn’t mean you’re automatically relapsing, instead it just means you’re in the messy middle where real change happens.
4. What can I do on days when I feel completely stuck or resistant to recovery?
On those days, the goal isn’t to feel motivated, it’s to stay connected to support and do the “next right thing,” even if it feels small. That might mean eating something neutral, stepping away from body checking, or telling someone you’re having a hard day. Recovery is built on these moments of doing the next step, not on constant inspiration.
5. Is it normal to want recovery and also miss my eating disorder at the same time?
Yes. This is one of the most confusing (but shared! and normal!) parts of recovery. Eating disorders often provide a sense of control, structure, or emotional numbing. Missing those functions doesn’t mean you actually want the disorder back; it means you’re grieving something that once felt familiar. You can miss it and still choose recovery. Both can be true at the same time.