Sobbing During the Pre-K Graduation Ceremony? You Aren’t Alone

image from Pixel

“My shoes feel a little bit smaller. Look at all, the friends I’ve made, These memories will never fade. I am proud of me and all that I can be, watch and you will see!”

I peek around the corner into our little playroom area to see my five year dutifully practicing what I can only assume is his pre-k graduation ceremony song. His earnest little hand movements, coupled with how tall he suddenly looks to me in that moment just about took me out. Cue my slinking out of the doorframe to cry in my bedroom.

As parents, we eagerly anticipate the milestones that mark our children's growth: their first steps, their first words, their first day of school. (In fact, society sort of mandates a hyperfixation on these moments in my opinion- in early motherhood at least. We eagerly track and wait to see if they are “on time” or better yet-early- for hitting each milestone, without much time leftover to think about the passage of time that comes with them.) They are moments that are often portrayed as important, celebratory events. But for many of us, these milestones also come with a swirl of mixed emotions — pride, joy, sadness, nostalgia, anxiety about the future, an awareness about the passage of time, and an acute realization of the ever-shifting nature of our own place in our child’s storyline.

If you recently found yourself teary-eyed at the thought of that pre-k graduation ceremony, or feeling unexpectedly emotional about them moving up a grade, you’re not alone. As a maternal mental health therapist serving Philadelphia, the Main Line, and surrounding Pennsylvania communities, I often hear from parents who feel caught off guard by the emotional weight of these seemingly small transitions. And, if you can’t already tell from my story about sobbing while I eavesdropped on my son practicing his song, I can also personally-ahem- relate.

In this post, I’ll explore why milestones can stir up complicated feelings, how to navigate these emotional moments (and when to seek support from a maternal mental health therapist if these emotions start to feel overwhelming).

The Bittersweet Nature of Milestones

Milestones symbolize change. And while change is a natural part of life, it often forces us to confront the passage of time, shifting roles, and the bittersweet reality that our children are growing up. (And the even *more* bittersweet reality that part of their job when it comes to growing up is to individuate from us.)

Even joyful events like a Pre-K graduation or the first day of kindergarten can unearth feelings of grief and loss — not because we aren’t proud, but because each new chapter means leaving another one behind. And the realization that we are closing the book on one chapter can often feel like it sneaks up on us, right? It can almost feel like peering into a little movie of different scenes from that earlier season. “No.” You think, as you watch a slightly younger version of yourself cradling your newborn, or playing paddycake with your sweet one-year old. “I’m not ready for it to be over. Can’t I stay just a little longer here?”

image from Pexel

Why We Experience Mixed Emotions at Milestones

1. Milestones Highlight the Passage of Time

Every milestone is a reminder that time is moving forward. And as caregivers, these moments can stir up reflections on identity and the shifting dynamics within our family. It’s natural to feel joy for your sweet kiddo, excitement about what’s to come, and grief for the earlier versions of them — and yourself — that you’re leaving behind.

2. The Emotional Load of Motherhood

Motherhood comes with a constant balancing act: nurturing your child while gradually letting go as they become more independent- man it is an art isn’t it? I have come to realize that each milestone is a tiny practice of holding this duality, which can be incredibly emotionally taxing. Mothers often carry the invisible weight of the mental load — managing schedules, anticipating needs, and emotionally tracking every change. Milestones can amplify our realization of this.

We can suddenly find ourselves aware of just how much of our life we put into the last five years (for instance)- bringing this baby into the world, feeding them, keeping them alive, getting them to sleep each night, figuring out nap schedules, trying to foster learning and play, socializing them, getting them ready for preschool, then pre-k- all while learning how to step into the role of mother ourselves. Whew. It is a lot to take in.

3. Social Expectations Around “Happy” Moments

Our culture tends to frame milestones as purely positive. Baby books, social media posts, and well-meaning relatives emphasize celebration. So when you are hit with those waves of sadness, grief, or anxiety during these times (cut to the scene of me sobbing in my bedroom) it can feel isolating or even shameful. The narrative that is pushed is “well, what’s the alternative? Your child not being here? Not getting to progress onward and age?” Yup. That does indeed feel like an incredibly black and white way to conceptualize these shifting seasons, and yet- it feels like the dominant thought process around this experience. Be grateful. That’s it.

The truth is, it’s possible — and healthy — to hold multiple emotions at once.

Common Emotions Parents Experience During Milestones

While every parent’s emotional response is unique, there are common feelings that many mothers report around their child’s developmental transitions:

• Pride: Watching your child accomplish something new naturally brings up feelings of pride and admiration. (Go Kylie go! You’re doing amazing sweetie!)

• Sadness: Mourning the passing of a stage you loved, or the innocence of early childhood. (Insert something here about the days being long and the years being short. Anyone else annoyed by how true this one turned out to be?…)

• Nostalgia: Reflecting on earlier memories and how damn quickly time seems to move. For some reason my brain keeps returning to that one scene in The Notebook when elderly Noah and Allie are dancing and she says something along the lines of “Oh time. It just slips right on by doesn’t it?” (Anddd I’m crying again. Cool.)

• Anxiety: Worrying about the next phase — whether your child will adjust, make friends, and thrive. It’s a heaviness that is difficult to put into words, this thinking about what the future holds for your child.

• Loss of Control: Feeling vulnerable as your child steps into new environments you can’t fully oversee. Hey, it’s scary to navigate the unknown as a parent. (We’re supposed to be in control at all times while ignoring the reality that we barely have any control at all? Is this really the gig??)

• Joy: Celebrating your child’s growth and accomplishments.

• Identity Shifts: Questioning your role and sense of self as your child becomes more independent. When they’re young, we are their world, and they are our world. As they grow and step into the role of a more autonomous human being, this all starts to feel like it breaks down, tiny piece by tiny piece- then suddenly all at once. (Or so I hear. Parents of teenagers, chime in!)

It’s important to normalize these emotions and give yourself permission to feel them without judgment. All of this makes sense, and all of it is allowed.

How to Cope with Mixed Emotions

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Everything

This probably feels like something obvious, but it is worth repeating that one of the healthiest things you can do during milestone moments is to acknowledge and honor your feelings. Resist the urge to minimize or dismiss your emotions. Feeling sad at your child’s Pre-K graduation does NOT make you ungrateful or overly sentimental — it makes you human.

2. Create Space for Reflection

Consider journaling about the milestone and the emotions it brings up. What are you feeling proud of? What are you grieving? What memories are resurfacing? How would it feel to write a letter to yourself, five years ago, as a new mom entering this season for the first time? (Or better yet, let’s all write this letter, and then come together in a mom’s sharing circle and read them aloud to each other as we weep. Too much? I told you I was having lots of feelings over here, just let me dream, ok?) Reflection can help us process complex emotions rather than bottling them up.

3. Talk to Other Mothers

Chances are, other mothers in your community — whether in Philadelphia, the Main Line, or across Pennsylvania — are having similar experiences. Sharing your feelings can ease the isolation and remind you that mixed emotions are totally normal- and so relatable. Local mom groups, parenting workshops, and maternal mental health therapists can provide supportive spaces for these conversations.

4. Honor the Moment

Find meaningful ways to mark the milestone, whether through a little ritual that you create with your child, a family photo album, or something else that feels meaningful for you. These small acts can create a sense of closure and celebration.

5. Seek Professional Support if Needed

If you find that milestone transitions are triggering intense anxiety, depression, or unresolved grief — especially if it interferes with your daily functioning — it may be time to reach out to a maternal mental health therapist. Anecdotally, I can say that I hear often from mothers of 2020 and 2021 babies who find the passage of time to be especially triggering. And this makes sense! These babies came into the world (and we entered motherhood with them) in an incredibly fraught, chaotic time. Time stood still in a way that was unique to that moment in history. And our motherhood journey has been forever marked by how it felt to enter this season in a world filled with terror, isolation, and uncertainty. Therapy can provide a compassionate, judgment-free space to explore these kinds of feelings.

image from Pexel

The Role of Maternal Mental Health Therapy

At our therapy practice serving Philadelphia, the Main Line, and communities throughout Pennsylvania, one of our specialities is supporting mothers through the emotional complexities of parenting. From postpartum anxiety to the identity shifts that come with your child’s growth, maternal mental health therapy offers a safe space to process life’s transitions.

Common concerns we help mothers navigate include:

• Emotional overwhelm around children’s milestones

• Grief and loss associated with the passage of time

• Anxiety about the future

• Shifts in identity and sense of purpose

• Coping with perfectionism and societal expectations

You’re Not Alone

I hope the main point of my blog post shines crystal clear- that you are not alone if you are sobbing in the little gymnasium as you watch your sweet kiddo graduate Pre-K. It’s okay if you feel sadness alongside pride, or anxiety shadowing joy. Motherhood is filled with paradoxes, and you are allowed to feel them all.

If you’re finding it difficult to navigate these emotional milestones on your own, know that support is available. Our maternal mental health therapists in Philadelphia, the Main Line, and throughout Pennsylvania are here to walk alongside you through every season of motherhood- sans judgment, and full of camaraderie.

Connect With a Maternal Mental Health Therapist in Philadelphia & the Main Line

If you’re struggling with mixed emotions or other challenges in motherhood, our therapy practice offers compassionate, specialized support. We provide both in-person sessions in Philadelphia and the Main Line, as well as virtual therapy options for clients throughout Pennsylvania.

Reach out today to schedule a free consultation and learn how maternal mental health therapy can help you navigate the joys and sorrows of parenthood with greater ease and self-compassion.