Why Am I Having Intrusive Thoughts About My Child?(A Guide for the Scared, Exhausted Parent)

By Dr. Colleen Reichmann, owner and clinical director of Wildflower Therapy

In December of 2021, I remember feeling as though my brain broke. I was freshly postpartum with my second baby- my hard-fought for little IVF girlie. I had gone through a miscarriage in the months prior before getting pregnant with her, and she had given me a run for my money with a very scary, high-risk pregnancy. So, basically, my nervous system was already on high alert by the time she got here. I was actually *buzzing* with anxiety and fear.

Then, when she was four days old, her temperature dropped rapidly and we found ourselves in a scary, 6-day intensive pediatric hospital stay for a viral infection that she had apparently contracted when she was a day or two old. She ended up recovering, thank goodness. With a whole lot of help and a slew of newborn-dosed antibiotics, she was just fine. But me? I was not fine. Not even a little bit. Shortly after we came home from that hospital stay, I started to experience intrusive, gruesome thoughts and images. My brain felt like it had simply clicked onto an endless, terrifying loop- one that took me nearly a year (and some good support via a qualified therapist) to break.

So if you, like I once did, have found yourself under the light of the Hatch sound machine at 2am googling “why can’t I stop thinking about terrible things happening to my baby,” please take a slow breath and hear me as I say this next part:

You are not broken.

You are in good company with so many other mothers who have had similar experiences.

You are not dangerous.

These thoughts can actually be very common in the postpartum period. BUT common does not mean that they are not worth seeking support for.

Intrusive thoughts, especially about your baby, are incredibly common among loving, devoted parents. But when they happen, they feel terrifying, exhausting, isolating, and maybe even shameful. They also feel absolutely crazy-making when you are in the sleep deprived newborn stage. Many parents won’t even whisper the content of these thoughts out loud, convinced it says something dark about who they are.

Let me say this clearly: intrusive thoughts are often a symptom. And if you’re reading this, it likely means you love your baby or child deeply and want to understand what’s happening inside your brain.

So…Why Am I Having Intrusive Thoughts About My Baby?

First, What Even Is an Intrusive Thought?

Intrusive thoughts are sudden, unwanted mental images or ideas that pop into your mind completely uninvited-like that one neighbor who always shows up exactly when you were about to relax.

They’re:

• Unwanted

• Distressing

• Ego-dystonic (fancy psych term meaning “this is NOT me”)

• Sticky (your brain latches on and repeats them)

Common examples for parents:

• Visualizing dropping the baby while walking down the stairs

• Imagining swerving the car with your child in it

• Thinking “What if I did something to harm them?” even though the idea horrifies you

• Mental images of your child getting hurt in very exaggerated, often gruesome ways

These thoughts don’t come from danger. They come from fear.

And fear, in parenthood, especially new parenthood-is everywhere, making it a time rife for these thoughts to take hold.

Reason #1: Your Brain Is Trying to Protect You

Parents are biologically wired to scan for danger. Your brain is suddenly very aware you are responsible for a tiny human who can’t defend themselves.

Intrusive thoughts are sometimes your brain’s clumsy way of saying:

“Here’s a thing we REALLY don’t want to happen… so let’s imagine it in high-definition!”

Annoying? Frustrating? Upsetting? Yes. Code for “this is probably going to happen” or “I may actually just be dangerous…” No. Please hear that sentiment and gentle try to hold it close to your chest.

Reason #2: Anxiety and OCD Love an Exhausted Parent

Lack of sleep alone can make your brain generate scary content. This is part of the reason why these thoughts are nearly universal among new mothers. But at some point, they do cross a threshold from “normative postpartum experience” into a more clinical realm (and one that you deserve support for).

Intrusive thoughts can specifically be indicative of:

• Postpartum anxiety

• Postpartum OCD

• Generalized anxiety disorder (when out of the postpartum stage)

• OCD (harm OCD, contamination OCD, “just-right” OCD)

These conditions don’t mean you’re a risk. They mean your threat-detection system is turned up too high-like setting your smoke detector to go off when you toast bread.

Reason #3: You Care Deeply (Really Deeply)

People who have intrusive harm-related thoughts are often the least likely people to ever act on them. Why?

Because the thoughts horrify you.

Intrusive thoughts cling tightly to whatever we value most:

You love your child → intrusive thoughts will target that love.

You desperately want to keep your baby safe? → intrusive thoughts will show you all the ways that threaten that desire.

You want to be a good parent → intrusive thoughts will sometimes whisper the opposite.

Your distress over the thoughts is proof of this huge love (and the thoughts themselves are simply proof of the strain that this season is placing on your brain.)

Reason #4: Motherhood’s “What If?” Culture

Modern parenting comes with:

• 24/7 news cycles

• Social media judgment

• Overwhelm

• Unrealistic standards

• A lack of community support

Combine those with hormonal shifts and zero sleep?

You get a brain that starts catastrophizing like it’s its part-time job.

When Should I Be Worried?

Here’s the part most parents don’t know:

Intrusive thoughts are normal in the postpartum period, but become a concern when:

• They are constant, looping, intrusive, and the anxiety feels unbearable

• You start doing compulsions to feel safe (avoiding certain places, hiding knives, repeatedly checking on the baby, needing reassurance)

• You feel unable to distinguish between thought and intention

Even then-this most often points to postpartum OCD or postpartum anxiety, not danger.

Okay…But How Do I Make Intrusive Thoughts Stop?

1. Stop judging the thoughts

The judgment actually fuels the spiral. Try:

“Wow, that was an intrusive thought. My brain is stressed. Proceed.”

2. Don’t engage in reassurance or compulsions

Checking, avoiding, or mentally arguing with the thought makes it stick harder.

3. Pay attention to your stress, overwhelm, and sleep deprivation

Not in a “fix it all today” way-more in a “maybe I don’t need to be superhuman” way.

4. Talk to a therapist trained in OCD or maternal mental health

This is probably the most important item on the list, if you have found yourself feeling exhausted by these kinds of thoughts. You deserve support, and therapists who are trained in postpartum OCD/anxiety can sometimes feel like miracle workers in terms of the skills and techniques that they can introduce immediately.

5. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)

This gold-standard OCD treatment helps you learn to tolerate intrusive thoughts without spiraling. It’s incredibly effective- and can be much gentler than people fear. This will likely be one of the things that a therapist who specializes suggests if you seek out support.

You’re Not Alone (Even If It Feels Like You Are)

Intrusive thoughts about your child feel terrifying, but they also happen to millions of loving, responsible parents. You deserve relief, understanding, and support- not shame, and also not normalization of the thoughts that verges on the point of invalidating the pain you are experiencing.

If you’re in Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, or the Main Line area and looking for a therapist who truly understands postpartum anxiety, maternal OCD, or the unique anxieties of parenthood, Wildflower Therapy is here to help.

You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through this.

You don’t have to be scared of your own mind.

And you definitely don’t have to face intrusive thoughts alone.

Seeking Out Support Today

Wildflower Therapy in Philadelphia is here for you. We specialize in eating disorder and body image therapy, maternal mental health, OCD, infertility and loss, anxiety, and depression. We offer therapy in-person in Philadelphia, or virtually anywhere in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Florida, South Carolina, Vermont, Virginia, Ohio, and Massechusetts.

You are not alone in this.

And you deserve support that honors every part of your experience, including the things that feel scary to say outloud. Reach out today for your free consultation call.